Make sure you leave a comment so I know you came by to visit.

Dec 21, 2009

RULES TO LIVE BY



Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even
rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time
of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories
in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it.
That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.
Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with
skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is
to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between
now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you
have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll
need after circling the buffet table while carrying
a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge.
Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have
more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.
I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Reread tips; start over, but hurry,
January is just around the corner.

~ Craig Wilson of USA Today ~

14 comments:

Joanne said...

LOL - Classic !

Tamara Jansen said...

ha ha ha! very funny :)

Sue said...

I do not abide by any rules, whatsoever, for the holidays! I just EAT!!! and drink, too. Although I have curbed my wino tendencies because of my aching head...
~ Ethel

Finn's Mom said...

Those are definitely words to live by!

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Those should be posted on every front door, and read before we leave for parties.

Great!

Jen

Foley said...

You made my day - I think it was the first time I laughed out loud all day!!

Maven said...

MUAH!!!

I loved this!

Kathleen said...

Love it...although I don't mind carrot sticks with some good fattening dip..no double dipping though! :)
Merry Christmas, Lori!

Joanne said...

LOL do any of these cancel out the negative calories consumed when standing up???

Tootsie said...

Merry Christmas my friend and a safe and happy new year!

Michelle said...

LLLOOLLLLLOOLLLOLLLOLL!

Love it!

Fifi Flowers said...

Ooooh I LOVE how George contacted you to tell us all Merry Christmas... same to you... ENJOY!

Shirley said...

Love this!!!!!!!!!!!

Scout's Honor said...

I knew I liked you, but little did I know i would fall in love with you. Hehehehe.

You rock!

~Scout

Labels

911 (1) ABBY STOKES (1) ACCOMPLISHMENTS (1) ADS (10) AFRICA (1) AGING (7) ALL ABOUT YOU LISTS (add your list too) (1) ALLERGIES (2) ALVIN (1) ALZHEIMERS (1) ANIMALS (6) ANNIVERSARY (8) ANTIOXIDANTS (1) Antique (1) ANTIQUES (4) APOLOGY (1) APPLIANCES (1) APPRECIATION (1) APPS (2) ARCHITECHTURE (1) ARCHIVES (1) ARIZONA (1) ARTISTIC ENDEAVORS (29) ARTISTS (4) ASPARAGUS (1) ATTA GIRL (16) AUCTIONS (1) AUTISM (1) AUTUMN (2) AWARDS (31) BABIES (1) BABY SHOWERS (2) BABYSITTING (1) BACK PORCH ANTIQUES (1) BACON (1) BAD BEHAVIOR (1) BAD IDEAS (4) BAD LUCK (1) BAKERY (1) BARBECUE (3) BARN HOUSE ANTIQUES (1) BARNYARD BASH (1) BASKETBALL (2) Battle of Princeton (1) BB GUY (8) BEARS (6) BEEF (15) BERRIES (1) BIG FEAST BISTRO (1) BILL OLIVER (1) BILLS (2) Bird (1) BIRDS (3) BIRTHDAY (9) Blog (4) BLOG BUDDIES (4) Blog problems. (2) BLOGGERS (4) BLOGGIE AWARDS (3) BLOGGING (6) BLOGS (55) BLUEBERRIES (1) BODIES (2) BONSAI (1) BOOKS (2) BOXING DAY (2) BRAGFEST (1) BREAKFAST (2) BRITISH COLUMBIA (9) BUCKET LIST (1) BULLYING (1) BURGERS (1) BUTCHART GARDENS (2) CABBAGE ROLLS (1) CABIN (14) CABIN STORIES (24) CALENDAR (1) CALL CENTRES (1) CANADA (5) CANADA DAY (5) CANCER (5) CANDY (1) CANNING (2) CANUCKS (2) CARNIVAL OF GENEALGOY (2) CARS (4) Cat (1) CATS (6) CATTLE (1) CELEBRATIONS (1) CHANGING TIMES (1) CHARITY (3) CHEESE (2) CHEESECAKE (2) CHERNOBYL (1) CHERRY TREES (1) CHICKEN (9) CHILDHOOD (1) CHILDREN (4) CHLORIDE (1) CHOCOLATE (2) CHRISTMAS (26) CINCO DE MAYO (1) CLARK LITTLE PHOTOGRAPHY (2) CLEANING (1) CLOTHING (2) COALMONT (1) COCKTAILS (1) Coffee (2) COFFEE GROUP (22) COINCIDENCE (1) COLDS (2) COLLECTIONS (48) COMMENTS (10) COMMERCIALS (3) COMMETS (1) COMMUNICATION (1) COMMUTE (1) COMPUTER LESSONS (5) COMPUTERS (28) CONCERTS (2) CONTESTS (12) COOKING (52) COPING WITH CHRISTMAS (1) COPYRIGHT (1) CORNUCOPIA (1) COUGHING (1) COUNTRY (1) Crafts (2) CRANBERRY SAUCE (1) CRIME (1) CROSS STITCH (1) CRUELTY (1) CUPCAKES (2) CURRY (1) DANCING (5) DANGEROUS (2) DARVONDA NURSERIES (1) DARWIN AWARDS (1) DAYLIGHT SAVING (1) DAYLILY (3) DEATHS (3) DECORATING (6) Decorative Painting (1) DEER (1) DENNIS HOPPER (1) DESSERTS (5) DIAPER CAKE (4) DIAPER MOTORCYCLE (1) DINNER (4) DISSATISFIED (1) DOCTORS (2) DOCUMENTARY (1) DOGS (16) Dogue Brasileiro (1) DOING WHAT IS RIGHT (1) DOMAINS (1) DR. OZ (1) DREAMS (1) DRINKS (3) DRIVING (3) DRUNKENESS (1) DUNCAN (2) E COLI (1) EARTHQUAKE (1) EASTER (1) ECOLOGY (1) EMAIL (3) EMPANADAS (1) ENDERBY (1) ENOUGH (1) Eric Burdon (1) ETHICS (1) EXHAUSTED (1) F-BOMB FRIDAY (2) FACEBOOK (4) FAERIES (2) FALL (6) Family (7) FAMILY BIBLES (1) Family tree (1) FAMILY. (9) FARMER'S MARKET (3) FARMING (1) FATHER'S DAY (1) FAUJA SINGH (1) FAVORITE (1) FEATURED ARTISTS (1) FERRIES (1) FERTILIZER FRIDAY (1) FIREWORKS (1) FIRST NATIONS (1) FISH (4) FLAGS (1) FLORIST (1) FLOWERS (7) FOLLOWERS (1) FOOD LOVE (1) FOOD POISONING (1) FOOD STORAGE (1) FOOD. (8) FOODIE FRIDAY (34) FOREST FIRES (1) Fourth of July (1) FRIENDS (22) FRIGIDAIRE (1) FRUIT (8) FRUSTRATION (2) FUN (4) FUNDRAISER (7) FUNKY JUNK (1) FURNITURE (1) GADGETS (3) GARAGE SALES (2) GARDEN (7) GARDENS (28) GARLIC (1) GARLIC BREAD (1) GENEALOGY (39) GEORGE CLOONEY (1) George Washington (1) GIFTS. (7) GIFTSTORES (1) GIFTWRAP (2) GIVEAWAYS (17) GLAMOUR (3) GOING WITH THE FLOW (1) GOOGLE READER (1) GREAT GATSBY (1) GREEN MEN (1) GREEN TEA (1) GUACAMOLE (1) GUEST WRITER (4) GUITARS (2) GUNS (1) HACKERS (1) HAIKU (2) HAIR (3) HAIR JEWELRY (1) Halibut (2) HALLELUJAH (1) HALLOWEEN (2) HAM RADIO (1) HANGOVERS (1) HAPPY (2) HAPPY 101 (1) HARRIS' STEAKHOUSE (1) HATERS (1) HEALTH (19) HERBS (1) HIGHWAYS (1) HINTS (2) HISTORY (5) HOCKEY (4) HOLIDAYS (3) HOLLYWOOD (1) HOME AND GARDEN (36) HOME BUYING (1) HOME. (6) HORSES (3) HOT ITALIAN SAUSAGES (1) HOUSEHOLD TIPS (3) http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifOUTDOOR WEDNESDAY (1) Hummingbird (2) Humor (25) HUMOR. (73) HUMOUR (84) I SAY HMMMM (1) ICE FISHING (1) INSECTS (2) INSPIRATION (3) INTEREST (1) INTERNET (2) INVENTIONS (2) IPHONES (1) IRONY (1) ISSUES (2) ITALY (2) JAM (2) JANUARY (1) JAPAN (1) JAZMIN (1) JEWELRY (1) JOHNNY DEPP (1) JOKES (1) JOSH JENKINS (2) JOURNEY (1) KARL MALONE (1) KATZIE BAND (1) KEEPING IN TOUCH (1) KIDS (5) KINDNESS (1) KOBO READER (1) KREATIVE BLOGGER (1) LAKE SUPERIOR (1) Langley (1) LASAGNE (1) LAUNDRY (1) LAW (2) LAWYERS (1) LEMIRE (1) LEPP FARM (1) Library and Archives Canada (1) LIFE (82) LIMBERT FARMS (1) LINDA GUMMER (1) LOTTERY (2) LOUIS HEBERT (3) LOVELY BLOG AWARD (1) LUNCH (4) MAGAZINE (3) MANSIONS (1) MANTLE (1) MARIE ROLLET (1) MARIJUANA (1) MARKET (2) MARKETING (1) MARRIAGE (2) MASSAGE (1) MATH (1) MATTHEW WATT (1) MAXINE (7) ME EITHER (18) MEDICINE (2) MELLOW YELLOW MONDAYS (4) MEMES (180) MEMORIES (5) MEN (5) MENTAL ILLNESS (1) Mesothelioma (1) METABOLISM (1) METAMORPHOSIS MONDAY (15) Metis (1) METIS. VETERANS (1) MEXICO (1) MICE (1) MIGRAINES (1) MILITARY (1) MOANS (1) MOLES (1) MOM (2) MONEY (1) MONIQUE LUM (1) MONSANTO (1) MOOSE (1) MOSAIC MONDAY (23) MOSAICS (2) Mothers (1) MOTHERS LINE (5) MOTIFAKE (1) MOTORCYCLES (1) MOURNING JEWELRY (1) MOVIES (3) MOVING (7) MOZEY-ON-INN (1) MR. ROGERS (1) Music (4) MUSIC. (3) MY GUITAR PAL (1) MYSTERY PERSON (1) NAMES (1) NATURE (8) NESTING (1) New France (1) NEW YEARS (1) NEW YEAS EVE (6) NEWPAPERS (1) NEWS (4) NICK BRANDT (1) NIGHT SKY (1) NOTE TO SELF (3) OCEANS (1) OLD PHOTOS (1) OLYMPICS (3) ORANGES (1) ORGANIZATION (1) OSTEOPOROSIS (1) OUTDOOR WEDNESDAY (32) p (1) PACKAGING (1) PAJAMAS (1) PARADES (1) Parenting (3) PARTY (2) Pets (1) PHOTOGRAPHS (10) PHOTOGRAPHY (9) PILOTS (2) PINK PUMPKINS (1) PINTEREST (1) PIZZA (3) PLAGIARISM (1) PLASTIC SURGERY (1) PLAYING FOR CHANGE (1) POACHING (1) POEM (1) POISON (1) POLICE (2) POLLS (1) POND (1) POPPIES (1) PORK (10) PORTLAND (3) POSTCARDS (1) PPS FILE (21) PRIDE (1) PRIME RIB (1) PRIVACY (1) PROBLEMS (2) PRODUCT REVIEW (1) PRODUCTS (1) PROTEST (1) PULLED PORK (1) PUMPKIN (1) PUMPKINS (5) QUARANTINE (1) Quebec (2) RACCOONS (1) RAIN (1) RANDOM (77) RANT (9) RCMP (2) READING (1) REAL ESTATE (1) RECALL (1) RECIPES (24) RECOMMENDATIONS (2) RELAXING (1) REMEDIES (1) REMEMBRANCE DAY (2) REMINDERS (1) REPEAT POST (7) REPORTING (1) REPOST (3) RESEARCH (1) RESOLUTIONS (1) RESTAURANTS (6) RIBS (1) RICE (1) ROAD TRIP (8) RoadTrip (1) ROCK AND ROLL (2) ROCKAWAY REST HOME (1) ROCKS (1) ROMANIAN (1) ROOSTERS (3) ROSA'S CUCINA (1) ROSES (1) ROYALTY (1) SAD (2) SAFETY (1) SAISON (1) SALAD (4) SALSA (2) SAN FRANCISCO (4) SANTA (61) SAUCES (1) SAUSAGES (1) SAVINGS (1) SCAMS (2) SCHOOL (2) SCIENCE (3) SCRAPBOOKING (3) SEAFOOD (1) SEARS (1) SEASONS (1) SERENDIPITY (3) SHAME (1) Shopping (10) Sidney British Columbia (1) SILLY SUNDAY (2) SINGING (1) SISTERS (5) SIXTIES (1) SKY (1) SKYTRAIN (1) SLEEP (5) SMALL TALK SIX (3) SMOKED MEAT (1) SNORING (1) SNOW (3) SNOWMOBILES (2) SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (2) SOCIAL MEDIA (4) SOUPS (4) SPAM (3) SPINAL CORD INJURY (1) SPORTS (3) SPRING (5) SPRINKLERS (1) STAINED GLASS (2) START UP (1) STATS (2) STEALING (1) STORIES OF MY ANCESTORS (2) STORMS (2) STOVE (1) STRESS (1) STUFFING (2) STUPID PEOPLE (2) SUBSCRIPTIONS (2) SUCCESS (1) SUFFRAGIST (1) SUMMER (4) SUMMER SUNDAYS (1) SUNDAY FAVORITES (41) SUNSET (1) SUNSHINE AWARD (1) SUPERIOR SCRIBBLER (1) SUPERSTITIONS (1) SURPRISES (1) SUSHI (1) SWANS (1) Swartz Bay British Columbia (1) TABLESCAPE THURSDAY (9) TAG (2) TAILGATING (1) TANDOORI (1) TARA JEAN POPOWICH (2) TATTOOS (1) TEACHERS (3) TECHNOLOGY (2) TEENS (1) TEETHING (1) TEMPLATES (1) THANKS (1) THANKSGIVING (5) THE CAMINO (1) THE VOICE (1) THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GIGGLE THURSDAY (1) THINKING ABOUT YOU (1) Thomas Cadwalader (1) THREE OR MORE TUESDAY (3) THREE OR MORE TUESDAYS (23) TOLE PAINTING (15) TOMATO SAUCE BASE (1) TOTEMS (2) TRAGEDY (1) TRANSIT (1) TRAVEL (9) TREAT YOURSELF THURSDAY (5) TULIPS (1) TURKEY (2) TV (1) TWITTER (1) USA (2) VACATION (4) VALENTINE'S DAY (2) VANCOUVER (3) Vancouver Island (8) VEGETABLES (11) VIDEO (3) VINTAGE (7) VIRUSES (4) w (1) WALL WEDNESDAYS (2) WAR (1) WATERCOLOR (1) WATERY WEDNESDAY (4) WEATHER (6) WEDDINGS (3) WEDNESDAY WORDS (3) WEEDS (1) WEEKENDS (1) WELLNESS (1) Whale watching (1) WHALES (1) Wii ADD ONS (1) WILDLIFE (3) WINE (14) WINNER (1) WINTER (4) WISDOM (1) WOMEN (7) WOOLWORTH (1) WORK (12) WORLD (1) WREATH (1) WRITER'S CHALLENGE (19) YANN ARTHUS-BERTRAND PHOTOGRAPHY (1)
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...