SATURDAY SNICKER

70 above: Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.

60 above: North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.

50 above: Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Canada sunbathe.

40 above: Italian & English cars won't start
People in Canada drive with the windows down.

32 above: Distilled water freezes
In Canada Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

20 above: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wooly hats
People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above: Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0 degrees: People in Miami all die...
Canadians lick the flagpole.

20 below: Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Canada get out their winter coats.

40 below: Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Canada are selling cookies door to door.

60 below: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below: Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadians feel a chill.

100 below: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

297 below: Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.

460 below: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Canada start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya, eh?"

500 below: Hell freezes over.
The Vancouver Canucks win the Stanley Cup.