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Jan 26, 2011

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

I am re-posting this from last year especially for Jen at Muddy Boot Dreams who had a sick kitty on her hands and was having some trouble giving his pills to him.
 http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Nasty_cat_!.jpg

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and pushpill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth  shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of  wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new
 one from bedroom.

 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followedby large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash  pill down.

 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 How To Give A Dog A Pill
 1. Wrap it in bacon.
 2. Toss it in the air.



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29 comments:

Michele said...

OMG!!!!
I LOVE THIS POST!!!
That's too hysterical. I totally remember those days... Good Times ;)

mbkatc230 said...

I've seen this, and it's so true! That's why we in the veterinary profession get paid the big bucks (tongue planted so firmly in cheek that it's threatening to come out the other side) Kathy

Keetha Denise Broyles said...

LOL!!!! Can you just imagine!?!

3 Men and a Lady said...

SOOOOO true! I have one of those devices the vet uses to shoot the pill down their throat... it usually works. It's no piece of cake, though.

Terri said...

LOL - I'm still laughing! Great post and I sure needed a good laugh today - thanks!

Lynn said...

Thank you for this! I am still laughing.
Actually I had a dog that was as difficult to give meds as this cat She sounded as if she were being run over when I tried to give her pills. The bacon trick did NOT work. Lexie, my new dog, will eat ANYTHING that I hand her...Pills, Broccoli, bananas...You get the idea.

Sandy said...

LOL!!!! This is why I have dogs....:)

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

My husband and I are still laughing! This is too funny! Look for it on my Shout Outs next Saturday!

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Tooooo funny. They may be alot of work, but they are worth it.

Jen

MiMi said...

Hahahahahaha!!! LOVE.

Sue said...

Don't cats like little wads of bread and peanut butter, like dogs do? Those old pills stick like glue to the PB. I think my dog craved peanut butter, because he ate up his meds really fast and then begged with his paws for more. Strange....

Maven said...

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Been there. Done that. So true!

Marla said...

Lori, this is hilarious! Did you write it? I know of which you speak, I had a similar axperience just today trying to just brush my monster kitty. Good to hear from you thanks for stopping by. Happy Spring! Marla

Helen at summerhouse said...

Oh this is too true and too funny. But.....there is solution. Pill pockets recommended by our vet. They are soft cat treats with hole in them that you hide the pill in. Our cat loved them! They make them for dogs too. BTW love your story of me. Perfect!

Tootsie said...

yep...sounds about right! lol

Small Reflections said...

LOL ... I know I've seen something like this before but it never fails to crack me up ... and your cat photos are just perfect!!! This is sooooooo accurate ;-)
Hugs and blessings,

Prims & Pretties said...

Oh mY gosh this is freeking hilarious!!! As the owner of six animals.. this is no kidding with cats. hehe..Tammy

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Oh so that's what the how to videos didn't include. LOL.

Perfect, just perfect.

Thanks!

Jen @ Muddy Boot Dreams

Cindy (Applestone Cottage) said...

OMG that's funny!
And that first pic is just hilarious!

heartfelt living said...

OMG, this is great! Thanks for sharing, it made my day!
xx
Karen

Nezzy said...

Heeehehehehe!!! I saw this many moons ago when I was teachin' but it's just as funny today.....and very, very true!

Thanks for the chuckle ... I needed a good laugh right now.

God bless ya and have a fantastic day sweetie!!!

Chari at Happy To Design said...

Hi Lori...

Ohhh my gosh...I just about split a gut laughing at this! The thing is...it is soooo TRUE! Hehe! Girl, I can always depend on you for a good laugh...you're the best! Hope that my note finds you doing well! I just wanted to stop by to say hello! Sure enjoyed your visit yesterday...and your sweet note!

Warmest wishes, sweet lady!
Chari @Happy To Design

Linda said...

That's too funny!! Cats are great aren't they! My cat was pretty good at taking his meds when we figured out that blowing in his face made him swallow!

koralee said...

You are soooo funny....oh my that first image would scare me to death.

xoxoxo

Karen said...

Read that before, but it is still hilarious. Not that I particularly wanted to be reminded though, as we need to get a worming pill into Smudge. Those cat teeth are damn sharp:(

Laura said...

Hilarious! Life would be so dull if you didn't occasionally have to give a cat a pill :)

Myra said...

LOL! Thanks for the morning laugh! Hilarious!!! And I thought I had problems with my dogs and pills!?! LOL!!!

Jane said...

Hilarious...he,he,he.........
Ain't that the truth!!! We presently have two cats and it always seems that what we have to do to one cat.......we have to do to the other cat....''double trouble''
One method that works half decent is to take one cat into the bathroon....a small enclosed space.......and fight/plead/beg with the cat (and each other [because 'yes' it takes two of us with leather gloves on]) that she would be wise to take her medicine! Sometimes we are out of there in no time and on to the other "now curious" cat; but most times it takes a wee bit longer...........

Ali said...

Jesus that was funny!!!! I'm reposting it from my blog. It's too priceless to keep to meself.

Ali :)

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